This is all I get to pos to this one for now. It's an illustration for a book so it's a secret until the book is published. So, until then...
External Expectations
External expectations are toxic to me. I enjoy volunteering to help others. And if someone asks for help honestly, then I really enjoy helping. However, if I feel coerced or manipulated or guilted into doing something then it can push me over the edge like nobody's business. Not good. Not good at a ll.
I Think I Can, I Think I Can...
A little more work today. Again, working from several different references, so it's not as easy as it could be, but I'm making progress.
Illusion
All art is illusion. It is a symbol of something. The paradox, however, that true art symbolizes the truth that we don't want to see. It reflects our own illusions.
When I spend too much time around people who are self-deceived I begin to question my own self, my own values, my own sanity. It is then that I must reach out to strong, valiant, and trustworthy people in my life for a reality check. Thank heaven for real people.
Tree Line
Sometimes when I paint I struggle and fuss and play with color, brushes and technique and still seem to have a hard time getting it right. Other time, like today, magic just seems to happen. The right brush chooses the right color and it seems to simply paint itself. Always fun to paint on these days!
Healing
Ring around the rosie,
Pocket full of posie
Ashes, ashes,
We all fall down.
Yes, we do all fall down, time and time again. And yes, the important part is always getting back up again. Sometimes though, you need a hug, a kiss, and a bandaid before you're really ready to take off again.
Big Black Engine
Not a lot of time to paint today, but I wanted to at least get a start on the train. I don't have the perfect reference that I want, which always makes a painting difficult. But here's at least a beginning...
Flatline
I flatlined today. I pushed myself too hard for too long and today I crashed. I know better. But I always think I can do just one more thing. If I do give myself a break I feel lazy. Today I paid the price.
Interdependence
Today the beach is so littered with Purple Sails that it looked like someone dumped sea glass along the shore line. They are sparkling and beautiful as they lie there waiting to die. They are incapable of controlling where they go. They are completely dependent on the wind. At the same time, they are made up of thousands of individual organisms that come together to form this beautifully and functionally shaped creature. How do they know which part to play? What happens if one mini organism doesn't do their part? How many dysfunctional organisms does it take before a full Purple Sail falls apart?
Part of me want to be so dependent that the wind and water controls everything and all I have to do is hang on and see where life takes me. Instead I'm intermingled with others who may or may not cooperate, pull their share of the load, or even allow me to do my part. I know there are lessons to be learned and that it is all growth opportunities. But today, the grass looks greener for the Purple Sail.
Another Beginning
This is the beginning of the next painting for the book I am illustrating. I won't be able to post the finished painting, but I think it will be safe to post the background as it progresses.
Shame
Shame is a very ugly word and holds way too much power. The seed is planted deep, fed all too often, and its roots sink deep and strong. They send out horizontal roots so that even if the mother root is pulled up, it will not die. Shame block the light and keeps all other gifts and strengths from gaining enough sold ground to flourish. Safety, security, faith and love cannot grow when shame is strong.
The Shape of Things to Come
I used to sketch in the entire painting first, and then try to paint around where each shape would eventually emerge. However, I have discovered that vine charcoal is so easily wiped away that I can put in a good background and then sketch over it. This really helps as the layers of the painting come together.
The Nose Knows
Three days of being sick in bed. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. My nose has been the focus and the bane of my existence for three days now. I'm so ready to move on.
Subtle Details
Sometimes I get frustrated that little things, like background trees, can take so much time. But the difference is in the details. And the subtle details matter...
Strength
Renewal, strength, nurturing... I have been wearing myself out and today is all about renewing my energy, strengthening my foundation, and nurturing the seeds that I have been planting. Today has been quite productive with the goal of keeping things balanced.
Ups and Downs
The yo-yo. The pendulum. The roller coaster. Hurry up and wait. Peak and crash. Manic and depressive. There must needs be opposition in all things. But must the opposites be so dramatic?
Inevitable Choice day 2
More work on the background. I'm happy with the pine trees. The deciduous trees need more work, but that will come. I do love this process...
Exhaustion
Exhaustion can be physical, like yesterday when it hurt to move and I took a two hour nap and still went to bed early and slept like a baby. Other times the exhaustion is emotional, like today, when I feel so overwhelmed I don't know where to start. There's nothing so pressing that it's forcing me to start, it's all just hovering there, holding me down. I'm running out of helium... I can't keep myself afloat...
Inevitable Choice
The beginning... I didn't start this one with a drawing. I have a reference and I simply began the background. Basic shapes and colors. The beginning is always full of vision, hopes and dreams. It may not turn out exactly like it looks in my mind at this point, but it will turn out. The beginning, and never quitting, ensure a successful ending.
Vintage Veil
This one took me a while. I can't say I'm in love with this one, but it was a good exercise. I love painting fabric, but painting a veil was different. I think the most frustrating this is what I could have done with it if it weren't a one day painting. I may try it again, giving it more time. But regardless, the practice always helps.
