Inevitable Choices

I know this would have made a nice painting just as a train, but it was never intended to be that straight forward. For a long time I've been contemplating the reality that while we are all responsible for the choices we make in life, sometimes our options are pretty limited. This imagery has come back to me time and time again... sometimes it's like the only choices are to jump off the bridge or get hit by the train. Either way it's gonna hurt... and either way the choice is mine to make.

So the concept finally made it onto the canvas. 

While most people prefer to talk about "happy" paintings... like a happy little engine chugging down a track... I have found that my more emotive paintings are the ones that people are actually drawn to the most. They may have a hard time talking about them, but there is something in them that gives voice to feelings we are never taught or allowed to express. 

So here's another psychological painting to add to my repertoire. 

Making Tracks

I don't have a lot of time to work on this painting right now, but I am making tracks. The perspective isn't quite right yet, but they are developing.

I have often thought about the process of making tracks... moving forward and leaving an impression where I've been. Sometimes it's hard to move forward, but one step forward is still forward. And on those days when steps turn into miles it feels so good. 

And if I move forward diligently and with integrity then I don't have to worry about the tracks I leave behind. I don't have to look back and wonder. I can keep moving forward and focus on the present as well as my plans for the future.

Support

Today I worked on the support beams for the train tracks. I pondered on the importance of having strong support in our lives. There have been times in my life when I had very little support. I felt that no one understood what I was experiencing and I felt very alone, hopeless, and helpless. 

At other times in my life, like now, I've had strong people who understand, love, and care about me. They're willing to listen without judging, help without micromanaging, and allow me to grow at my own pace. 

When our support systems break down we become as vulnerable as this train would be if those beams began to break. Perhaps it would make it to the other side before the tracks collapsed under it. Or perhaps it wouldn't, and all would be lost. And so it is with us. If we don't have strong, supportive, stable people in our lives we can't be sure we'll make it to the other side of our problems. And if we go down, how many others will go down with us?

The Little Engine That Could

I was able to find some good resources and get the cars done. It was a fun day of things coming together. It was interesting that while I struggled physically to feel energy or the physical drive to paint, I was able to get myself to the canvas and then things just took off. 

One of the things I love about teaching is that I see this happen time and again with my students. It is validating to me that this is a human phenomenon and not just me. It also gives me the insight to reassure and support my students when they have days that they, as Nancy likes to say, "aren't feeling the love." 

I think it is often the case when we are struggling with any task initiation, that if we can simply get ourselves to the "canvas" an inner drive takes over and we kick into gear and do what needs to be done. Sometimes it's just a matter of getting ourselves in the right place at the right time. After that, it's just a matter of repeating, "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can."