While I thoroughly enjoy painting and easily get lost in it, there are some days that are easier and some that are harder. Today was a grueling day, as far as painting days go. I'm not really complaining. It was simply a lot of hours in one day, and a lot of working and reworking and building layers. But in the end, Grandma Ruby is now able to say to one and all, "Cheers!"
Treading Water
I've never been able to tread water. Even though I learned to swim as a child, I was never a very good swimmer. Several years ago I decided to overcome my fear of the water and worked hard to do it. I went to the pool and practiced - not swimming - but not being afraid of the water. After a few months I was swimming like a fish in the deep end and loving every minute of it. And now, even though I can't get enough of the water, I've still not been able to tread water.
A few months ago I started taking a water aerobics class. One lady does the exercises without a float belt. After class the other day I decided to try doing the exercises without a belt. It was hard, but I found myself quite able to do it. Suddenly I realized I was basically treading water. I quit focusing on the exercises and started focusing on simply staying afloat. I soon realized that all the other times I'd tried to tread water I had failed because I had done the "panic stroke". As soon as I realized I could do it, and believed in myself, my motions settled into a rhythm. My heart rate evened out and I was able to treat water for 15 minutes. I could have kept going but I needed to get on with my day.
Typically when people talk about treading water they are using the phrase in a negative connotation to indicate that someone isn't moving forward in their life. On this day, however, treading water meant I wasn't drowning and it became a true life saving skill. I think often we are hard on ourselves when all we are doing is treading water. I think it's good to give ourselves credit for staying afloat and not drowning until we can get the resources we need to move in a healthy way.
The Little Engine That Could
I was able to find some good resources and get the cars done. It was a fun day of things coming together. It was interesting that while I struggled physically to feel energy or the physical drive to paint, I was able to get myself to the canvas and then things just took off.
One of the things I love about teaching is that I see this happen time and again with my students. It is validating to me that this is a human phenomenon and not just me. It also gives me the insight to reassure and support my students when they have days that they, as Nancy likes to say, "aren't feeling the love."
I think it is often the case when we are struggling with any task initiation, that if we can simply get ourselves to the "canvas" an inner drive takes over and we kick into gear and do what needs to be done. Sometimes it's just a matter of getting ourselves in the right place at the right time. After that, it's just a matter of repeating, "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can."
Time Keeps on Slippin'
Time management has always been an issue for me. I can't really wrap my brain around time any more than I can wrap it around spacial distance - like how far way 10 feet is. If the world revolved around me (and all too often I forget that it doesn't) I really wouldn't worry about it. But since my choices effect other people, it becomes an area of my life that I'd really like to improve. I've stolen from a couple of other creative sources for this post... the Steve Miller Band gets the credit for my time that most definitely keeps on slippin'. And Salvador Dahli was the inspiration of my melting timepiece. Not only does time melt away, but my energy seems to go alone with it.
My biggest issue is finding a way to manage my energy without wasting my time. If I had the energy to do all that I want, then I'd be going 100 mph non-stop 24/7/365. Unfortunately, I no longer have that kind of energy. So how can I allow my physical body to maintain a balance and still stay productive? As will all things in life, it's a matter of trial and error and practice, practice, practice.
