Beach Babe - Quick Sketch

This is the gorgeous babe I saw on the beach. I'm always nervous about photographing and drawing children because I don't want parents to think I'm a Creepy McCreeper... These parents were great, though, and let me take a ton of photos. This is quick sketch I did. She was so cute as she toddled in the sand, fell over, picked herself back up, and then plopped down and just played in the sand.

Inevitable Choices

I know this would have made a nice painting just as a train, but it was never intended to be that straight forward. For a long time I've been contemplating the reality that while we are all responsible for the choices we make in life, sometimes our options are pretty limited. This imagery has come back to me time and time again... sometimes it's like the only choices are to jump off the bridge or get hit by the train. Either way it's gonna hurt... and either way the choice is mine to make.

So the concept finally made it onto the canvas. 

While most people prefer to talk about "happy" paintings... like a happy little engine chugging down a track... I have found that my more emotive paintings are the ones that people are actually drawn to the most. They may have a hard time talking about them, but there is something in them that gives voice to feelings we are never taught or allowed to express. 

So here's another psychological painting to add to my repertoire. 

Restless

Start. Stop. Hurry up. Wait. Start a project. Get interrupted. Start something else. Everything goes wrong. AAARRRGGGHHH!!! 

"Some days are like that... even in Australia..." ~Judith Viorst (from Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad, Day). 

I used to read that book to my own children as well as to my elementary class each year. When I have these kinds of days, I try to remember that it's just a day... 

Concept Sketch

I am working with a writer in a collaborative project with the Hoffman Center. She wrote a poem and I am responding to it through a painting. This is one concept sketch I've done for it. I have a good image in my head, but haven't completely committed to this idea. I'm going to play with another idea today and see what happens.

Apples, Oranges and Hearts, Oh My!

Someone posted on Facebook a photo of a human heart covered in fat, saying that fat is not beautiful. I wanted to reply that an anorexic heart probably doesn't look much prettier. I think the issue is that we're trying to make oranges in to apples. Overweight women have as much right as any magazine model to feel beautiful because beauty shouldn't be defined by our body shape. Beauty is an entire package of personality, integrity, self-worth, and kindness. Fatness isn't beautiful because it's unhealthy. And that's a different issue than beauty.

They are linking, however, because if we are not taking care of ourselves physically it's probably because we don't feel beautiful already. I personally can't address my weight issues until I'm comfortable with who I am, as is. Any effort I put toward it prematurely will only backfire in the end. I've watched this same cycle with many women in my life. However, when I understand my invite worth a s human soul, I also understand my inmate beauty and the sire to be healthy becomes intrinsic and possible. 

If we, as a society, could stop trying to make oranges into apples and simply look at each other heart to heart, then we could all feel more beautiful and the fat would begin to melt away.

Walking Away

I was working on this yesterday and got to the point where all I could see was a big blob of yellow. It made no sense. I couldn't tell one part of the flower from the other.

At times like these I remember a drawing class I took. There was a member of the class who everyone considered to be the "best" artist. (That's a whole different topic.) One day when everyone was quietly zoned into their work he let out a blood-curdling scream. He said he wanted to take a knife and shred his drawing. Everyone gasped. We all thought it was good enough as it was. He didn't even need to keep working on it. What in the world could he be unhappy about? He confessed that he regularly shredded canvases when he got so frustrated in the process and couldn't make the images do what he wanted. 

I didn't quite feel like taking a knife to my canvas, although I admit I have reached that point before, but I did know it was time to walk away. Before long I came back with the camera to document my progress for the day and when I looked at the canvas voila! There was a daffodil! Mind you, I am absolutely not finished with it. But it's amazing how much perspective we can gain on our problems when we are smart enough to walk away for a while, let them simmer, let ourselves cool down, and them come back with new eyes.

I Told You So...

I don't like to be an "I told you so" kind of person... BUT... My sweet drawing student has been telling me for two years that she doesn't do color. She doesn't want to paint. She can't paint. She doesn't get color. She doesn't do color... Did I mention she doesn't do color? Well, I finally talked her into playing with the paints today. She mixed all of those colors with just red, yellow, blue and white. I'd say she's a natural peach of a painter!

Treading Water

I've never been able to tread water. Even though I learned to swim as a child, I was never a very good swimmer. Several years ago I decided to overcome my fear of the water and worked hard to do it. I went to the pool and practiced - not swimming - but not being afraid of the water. After a few months I was swimming like a fish in the deep end and loving every minute of it. And now, even though I can't get enough of the water, I've still not been able to tread water.

A few months ago I started taking a water aerobics class. One lady does the exercises without a float belt. After class the other day I decided to try doing the exercises without a belt. It was hard, but I found myself quite able to do it. Suddenly I realized I was basically treading water. I quit focusing on the exercises and started focusing on simply staying afloat. I soon realized that all the other times I'd tried to tread water I had failed because I had done the "panic stroke".  As soon as I realized I could do it, and believed in myself, my motions settled into a rhythm. My heart rate evened out and I was able to treat water for 15 minutes. I could have kept going but I needed to get on with my day.

Typically when people talk about treading water they are using the phrase in a negative connotation to indicate that someone isn't moving forward in their life. On this day, however, treading water meant I wasn't drowning and it became a true life saving skill. I think often we are hard on ourselves when all we are doing is treading water. I think it's good to give ourselves credit for staying afloat and not drowning until we can get the resources we need to move in a healthy way.

Netarts Bay at Low Tide

Here's a sketch of the same general scene as "Preparing the Kayaks". The angle and activity is a little different, but definitely the same time frame. I really enjoy the quick sketches - gesture studies - because I only have a few seconds, or minutes if I'm lucky, to capture something that takes me hours to paint. I'm not nearly as good at drawing as I am at painting, but every time I draw I become a better painter. And every time I take a photograph, I become better at drawing. It's all about learning to see. I have a student who, when I point out a trouble area in her painting will say, "Oh, what was I thinking?" and I often reply with, "It's not about thinking, it's about seeing." 

Preparing the Kayaks - finished

As I sat at Netarts Bay sketching and journaling I couldn't help but hear the group of kayakers near me. They obviously hadn't checked the tide charts and had arrived to find a low tide. They spent a good 30 minutes trying to decide if it was worth it, or if they should just go home. It sounded like one was a guide or instructor and the others were of vacation. I so wanted to tell them to just go for it! It may not be the perfect conditions, but they were there, they had their gear, and they may not get the opportunity again. I was so relieved when they finally made the choice to make the best of what they had. By the time they were ready to get in their kayaks I had to go. But I did get a few sketches and photos and now a painting of them preparing the kayaks.

How often do we spend our time trying to decide if the conditions are just right? How right do the conditions need to be? When is it worth it to just take a risk and jump in the water? I think we miss too many opportunities to make great memories when we spend too much time weighing options and not enough time getting wet.

Window Peeping

The image quality isn't that great, but this photo is more about the concept than the quality. I always feel awkward when I drive by someone's house at night and their lights are on with the curtains open. Even if they aren't in the room, I feel as though I'm seeing into their secrets and that I don't belong there. This time, however, I was inside looking out. I know I'm not the only one who enjoys people watching. It's fascinating how related we all are. We often mock or become most engrossed with people who are acting out what we deny in ourselves. Sometimes we deny that we feel that way. But the truth is, we wouldn't recognize it if we didn't also feel it. Sometimes we deny that we act that way. I bet we could find someone to tell us differently. I find that when I'm feeling like this is something no one else can ever understand, I am experiencing something that nearly everyone has also felt. We are all far more closely connected that we allow ourselves to see or believe. If only we could open all the windows and all the doors and allow ourselves to connect freely and know that doing so would be a safe thing to do.

Testing the Waters

I ended up with a few extra hours on my hands so I went to Netarts Bay to check out an area where I'd never been. It was low tide and there were several people clamming and playing in the water. There was a family with boys who were having fun testing the water... in and out... in and out. It was fun to observe their interactions and the pure and simple joy that comes from playing in the water.