Let's Face It

Sometimes we're faced with truths that are hard to accept. Other times, we realize something that is actually pleasant. I've been pushing myself to get this series done  in a short amount of time because I've been invited to show my work at the Bay City Arts Center in December and I wanted a body of new work. It's amazing how exhausting it is to be creative under a deadline. At the same time, when things shape up nicely like her face did today, it is also amazing to realize how much I love it. 

My Safe Place

She's not looking as content as I would have liked, but she is in her safe place. This is my concept drawing for the next painting in my series on "Comfort". Several years ago I was introduced to the idea of having a "safe place" in your imagination so that when times get emotionally hard you can envision yourself there and it can help you de-stress. A chair is not that safe place for me. That kind of safe place is so individual to each of us, that I couldn't begin to visually express it. But I do think that most people have a chair at home that is "theirs". I think for most of us, at the end of a long day, sinking down into that little piece of home can definitely bring a sense of comfort. In this space, I get to be me. In this space, I get to call the shots. In this space, I am safe.

Soft

"Soft" is the third in a series of paintings around the concept of Comfort. When I think of comfort I close my eyes and can feel softness against my skin. In deciding how to portray softness I came up with several visuals. I went with this one though, because I love the feeling of being in a warm, soft, comfortable bed. There is softness under me, the pillow is soft, and I'm covered in soft blankets. Everything is inviting and comforting. Now I think I'll go to bed... 

Soft Sleeper

She's getting close. Lots of layering. She seems to be sleeping peacefully, but there are areas that need some more work. This is the stage that can go either way. I have had painting sessions where there is just one little thing that needs to be done and I can't get it to save me. Other times I feel like there is so much to do and it comes together so quickly that I can't believe it. So we'll let her get some rest and see what tomorrow brings... 

Paint By Number

I had a friend ask what my process looks like. I was thinking that I was sharing that since I post at each stopping point along the way. But today I realized that I've only been sharing the stopping points, and not the points in between. So here is what I call the paint-by-number stage. I spent years watching Bob Ross paint happy little trees that just magically appeared on the canvas. When I started painting I thought it would be like that. While I still have fond memories of watching those happy little trees, there is a big disservice to the art business in those shows. It just doesn't happen like that. I could spend an entire post explain all the reasons why, but I'll move on. Every artist has their own approach. For me, I find the lights and the darks and lay them in all around the figure. Sometimes it's only in a single area, like the lips. Other times it's a bigger area like here, the entire face. And then I blend it to a soft stage like this... 

And then I do it again and again. I call this layering. Each time I repeat the process I see lights I didn't see before. I see darks that are darker. I see shapes that are not quite right. So I paint by number again and soften again until suddenly, there she is. So tune in again tomorrow and we'll see if we got there!

Waves Passing Over Me

I have waves pass over me all the time. Sometimes they are waves of exhaustion. Sometimes waves of shame. I've experienced wonderful waves of joy and plenty of waves of hunger. One summer, not too many years ago, I spent a week in southern California and tried my hand at surfing. I experienced plenty of literal waves washing over me, knocking me off my feet, spinning me in circles. Sometimes when the waves hit there's nothing to do but wait for them to pass, get your bearings again, and then keep moving on. Occasionally, though the waves are warm and comfortable and you want to wrap up in them and hold them close and never let them go.

Soft

Again, this is only a charcoal concept drawing, but it the beginning of the next painting in the series. As I was considering the idea of "soft" I imagined many soft things. However, in the end I wanted to keep it as simple as possible. So she will be lying in and on and under feathery softness. I have to admit that working on this made me want to curl up in my bed and take a nap... 

Embrace

Well, here she is, "Embrace". She's definitely different than anything I've done before. And I'm really happy with her. Her features are distinct and I believe the emotion comes through. I feel like in addition to finding comfort in the warmth and softness of the blanket, she is remembering times of comfort as well. Isn't that what a security blanket it all about? The memories? A new blanket may be warm and soft, but it doesn't bring the same comfort as the worn and raggedy one that smells like home, or Mom, or a loved one. It doesn't have the memories attached of the time you snuggled on the couch together, or when it covered you during an illness. Safety and security come from time tested trials and triumphs and the consistency of knowing that what you need and what you love will be there when you need it again. 

Facing the Facts

I loved how her face looked when I blocked in the under layer. I didn't want to mess that up, but I also knew I needed more detail. It's definitely not finished, but her face is developing. As I watched each of my children grow I noticed how their cute little chubby faces had to go through a transitional stage during their pre-teens before it got to the older, handsomer, and prettier stage. I'm sure we've all seen those "awkward years" photos. How embarrassing! It seems that life is like that. When we first enter into a relationship, or a job, or a hobby, or an activity, it goes so smoothly at first. Everything is cute and fun and exciting. Then there's an awkward stage when you wonder what happened to all that cuteness and you wonder if it's worth it. And finally, if you see it through, you come out mature, well sculpted, and even more beautiful that when you began. Here's hoping we make it through that awkward stage.

That Moment

You know that moment - when the planets align and you just know that everything is going to work out? That moment when everything comes together just right and and everything clicks? I got to have that moment today. I've spent three days on her hands now and the frustration was starting to build. I've done this long enough now to have faith in the process. I knew it would come together eventually. I just didn't want eventually to be some time next week. And then I suddenly watched a certain line of paint go in a certain place at just the right angle, with just the right value, and jus the right thickness, and I knew. I just knew that this was it. I kept going with what i was doing and moving along from finger to finger and with each one it just worked. And then ta-da! I was done! I've had that experience many times. But today I was very acutely aware of it and I am feeling extra grateful for that awareness. I know this happens in many parts of our lives and I've come to realize that it's the being aware that makes the difference. I'm grateful today was a day of awareness and now I get to experience that moment over and over again in my memory.

Soft Shoulder

When I was young I was always confused about the road signs that said "Soft Shoulder". How did they know my shoulders were soft? I would lean my head over and rub my cheek against my shoulder and feel how warm and soft it was and wonder why they made a sign about it. Today she got a soft sleeve on her soft shoulder. I worked on her hand again as well. It just wasn't doing what I wanted it to do, so I turned it on more of an angle and I'm liking it much better. Now the paint is too wet and I'll have to wait until tomorrow to play with it again, but at least it's starting to do what I want. 

Security Blanket

I don't remember having a security blanket as a child. But I have plenty of "security blankets" now. When I start feeling insecure I like to wrap up in a blanket (it doesn't matter which one) and curl up in my chair (it does matter which one!) and veg out on the computer. Sometimes chocolate is my security blanket. My dog Twilly can be a pretty good security blanket too. My favorite security blanket is my husband. He's the one that can offer both physical and emotional comfort. And then there is my Heavenly Father who is the source of comfort and hope. I think it's important for children to have a security blanket (or object) in order to find that comfort that familiarity brings. And in the end, we are all children on the inside.

Emerging Face

It's always interesting to see the painting digitized and uploaded. Of course you can't see all of the detail that you see in real life. But it's more than that. When I'm painting my nose is (very literally) so close to the canvas that sometimes I can't see the forest for the trees. Several times I have considered a painting finished, photographed it, viewed it on the website edit page, gasped, and gone back to the canvas. Obviously I don't think I'm finished this time, but it is another moment when I am seeing things I didn't see when I was sitting at my canvas. I actually like how her face is emerging from the canvas almost as if she is passing into the room through an ethereal veil. And even though her hands are just barely blocked in, they already feel as if they are hanging on to something important. At this stage I feel very much like a new mother looking at her perfect infant and praying that she will just not mess him up...